oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
