hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
