i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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