i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
