i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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