I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I got inside last night via doggy door
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
