you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
