you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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