Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's blow job season.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
