So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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