Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
