i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
