Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
