Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
