So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
