Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
