i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
