According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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