plz talk dirty to me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
