Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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