I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
