another moral hangover. fuck.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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