so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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