The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
