dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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