watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
