Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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