I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
