So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
