a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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