Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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