Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
