You're my little dorito
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
