I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
