Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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