How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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