We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
