nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
