between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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