Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
