I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
