I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
