You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
