We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
