So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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