Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
