Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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