I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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