that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
