Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
