Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can I color on your dick again?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
