take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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