Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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