She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
