I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
