where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
