your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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